Poem: When I am no longer in my human body

I will miss the light and colors and shades of sunrise and sunsets, the hues and brightness of the stars and the moon, when I am no longer in my human body.

I will miss playing, and sharing ideas and stories with my son when I am no longer human. I will miss the implicit recognition with my daughter who did not share this life with me. I will miss the dance with their mothers.

I will miss coffee and ice cream and flowers and walks and laughing and crying, and especially feeling for and with all my fellow humans, when I am no longer human.

I will miss hugging you and hearing your stories when I am no longer human.

I will miss looking into a lover’s eyes morning, afternoon or night, holding her in my arms and being sent to heaven by her natural fragrance. I will miss watching her come to life when something matters to her. I will miss our impossible fights and our spontaneous love making.

God, I will miss being human and I will miss being horny for merging with the universe and infinite consciousness. I will miss this relationship I have with you, my rebellion against things not working out my way, and my learning to surrender when I come to my senses. I will miss breathing with you.

God, source of everything, source of this love that is so palpable and yet so difficult to fully grasp, thank you for this breath, thank you for this experience. Thank you!

Essay: In Order to Love

In order to love, one has to consciously leave behind everything that isn't love.

I remember experiencing unconditional love after retracing my steps through my emotions back to a time of extreme loneliness during my childhood. The result was a connection with my inner child that left me crying tears of joy, a dam had opened and my tears flowed freely... and I experienced unconditional love and a blessing, a message in the midst of a vision of a beautiful Earth... "THE WORLD DOES NOT WANT TO BE CHANGED, JUST LOVED."

I had wanted to know how to heal painful experiences from childhood and I had wanted to help change the world for a better one. This experience came as an answer to both of my inquiries.

When I came back to my not so ecstatic 'normal' self I asked: "What do I need to do to get back into that space?" And the answer was: "Drop your worries."

This experience came to me in the early 90s. I did not know then how to drop any worry. They seemed to own me. Now I know. I just need to remember what it feels like to enter the space of love, of gratitude, of humble presence, of smiling with a child, holding a small flower, ...

I now know it is a choice to leave everything else behind and that choice isn't so difficult. It is the difference between Hell and Heaven, the difference between being a disconnected fear-filled human being or a spiritual being in a human body. The difference between letting my mind control me or finding the guru within and aligning with it. It makes all the difference in the world.